"When you get to be my age, you will have a mid-life crisis."
Years ago, a good friend of mine advised that such would be my fate. It happens to every man. He sometimes wonders if what he has been doing for half his life is of worth. I suppose it happens to women as well.
Curiously, it hasn't happened to me, yet. Of course, I plan to live to be 100 years old. So, I still have a few years before I hit the mid-point. Of course, my kids already think I'm old. But, technically, I still have time to avert a "mid-life crisis." How do I do that? How can Skill Balancing help?
My Epitaph …
Let's jump ahead just a bit. Not that I would actually care at the time, but what would I like to see written on my gravestone? If I were to listen to the sirens on television, radio and internet, it might be something like:
He ate well.
He drank well.
He dressed well.
He was well traveled.
He was entertained well.
Oh, well.
Honore de Balzac has been attributed the saying that behind every great fortune is a great crime. I have also read that sometimes people who have become wealthy spend much of their time trying to obtain the self-respect and dignity they lost in obtaining their wealth. Following in their well-heeled footsteps, another epitaph I could march toward might be:
He wrote big checks to charity.
I have met people who figure that someday they will do important things. But, they choose to wait until after they have made their fortunes. In this way, goes the thinking, they will be better able to do something of significance. Like write big checks to a charity, I suppose.
The problem is that writing checks means living life vicariously. The great things are still being done by others. Which is better, to do something great or to finance someone doing something great?
Do these names ring any bells? Empress Maria Theresa, Emporer Francis I, Sigismund III von Schrattenbach, Hieronymus von Colloredo. These are all nobility who probably had eloquent epitaphs on their gravestones.
Hieronymus von Colleredo? Didn't he meet with the German Archbishops at the Congress of Ems in 1786, you ask? Of course! But, this Bishop of Gurk and Archbishop of Salzburg is perhaps most famous for being a patron of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart. In fact, the nobility cited above all sponsored Mozart, at times commissioning him to write or perform what became some of his most famous music.
Mozart didn't have a mid-life crisis. In fact, Mozart didn't even have an epitaph. Mozart died at about age 35. Since he started composing and performing at about age 5, it could be said that he had a 30-year career. Still, he was buried in an unmarked grave at the cemetery of Saint Marx, a suburb of Vienna.
Yet, Mozart contributed so much to the world! While his patrons may be largely forgotten, the ideas that Mozart developed and shared endure to this day. Mozart was a lot like my Grandfather Wells.
It's about ideas ...
My Grandfather Wells was a wealthy man. Several of his children went on to become even wealthier. Both my mother and my uncle Ralph impressed me with ideas from my grandfather. And, the most impressive had little to do with making money. His ideas were bigger than money.
One of the most impressive ideas I inherited from my grandfather through his children is the idea that influencing and changing the thoughts of others is worthy of aspiration.
Years ago, I thought deeply about my career. Should I put off what I want to do and pursue wealth instead? I imagined what I would do if I had a lot of money. Among these were writing music, developing software, writing scripts, writing books, doing community service and so forth. But first, of course, I had to become wealthy.
Why?
I didn't' have a good answer for that. In fact, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that money was not preventing me from doing these things. I realized that if I wanted to do great things, I needed to just do them - and not allow money (or lack of it) limit me!
He did great things and influenced many people for good.
Now, there's a great epitaph. But, now we are talking about greatness that goes far beyond a nice epitaph.
Your mission is …
What do you call it when you devote yourself to doing great things? Actually, doing great things takes many titles. Some of the greatest titles include teacher, liberator, caregiver, healer and comforter. Perhaps the greatest title for me is father. For a woman, the title of equivalent greatness is probably mother.
We can do some great things in our everyday lives. We can influence others, have meaning in our lives and experience great joy and satisfaction in the service of others. Still, the cares of everyday life often distracts and diverts us from pursuing greatness to its full extent.
Is there a way to do focus every day on doing something great, something that totally consumes you, if only for a few years? What if you want to devote yourself as much as humanly possible to something worthy, something lasting and noble, and something that will endure for lifetimes?
If this is what you want, then you are talking about a mission in your life. At different times in our lives, most of us can pursue a mission of one type or another. For some, it may be military service for a few years. For others, perhaps some time in a peace or humanitarian effort. For my son, that time is coming soon. We expect that he will begin serving a two-year mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints next year.
I served on such a mission years ago. I hope to serve on such a mission again. In a way, I will travel with him when he goes - and so might you! In coming newsletters, we will explore many aspects of serving a mission in life, especially in terms of how to have fun with Skill Balancing while serving.
But, I'm not LDS! I'm not even religious!
This is only one way that a person might pursue a mission during a lifetime. There are many ways that you can enjoy a mission in life, ways that you can fully give of yourself to create something wonderful that reaches into the eternities. Whatever your passion, you can learn from others who successfully serve unselfishly, devoting themselves full time to a noble cause. These are the things I hope to share and enjoy with you in coming months.
We will pursue many topics on how to enjoy a mission such as:
The "Afterglow of Fun" applied to your life
Preparing for a mission
What is a mission?
Spicing up a mission through Skill Balancing
Happiness during a mission
What percentage of your life for a mission?
Daily life on a mission
Dealing with adversity
Dealing with distractions
Establishing Routines
Why am I here?
Where am I going?
What's after a mission?
Mini-hump, hump and maxi-hump
Sources of true joy
Humility
Comparing with work
Comparing with school
Comparing with caregiving
Great Music!
My wife was once a renowned violinist, often performing as concert master with orchestras. She is one of the few people I've known who has perfect pitch. She once shared with me a thought about people who come to concerts.
According to her, there are basically two types of people who come to orchestra concerts. There are those who come to listen to the music. And, there are those who come to be seen listening to the music.
Who would you prefer to be? One who is seen listening to Mozart, one who actually listens to Mozart, a patron of Mozart -- or another Mozart? These are all good options. But, it's marvelous to actually do great things! With Skill Balancing, you can enjoy doing great things!
-- SKS
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